Sunday, October 22, 2006

Islam - Why Women Don't Marry More Than One?

As part of a discussion i had with Alaa about Islam and Polygamy, a question was brought up (with good intentions ISA), why muslim women don't marry more than one man?

Below is part of the conversation which we had. I copied and pasted the parts related to the question: "Why Women Don't Marry More Than One?".

Note: The reasoning used below is between two muslims. Muslims believe that Quran is the rightful divine words of God and that the Suna (Prophet's sayings and doings) is to explain and elaborate on Quran.

In other words, this is how muslims look at it.

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Alaa said...

... so does the quran actually say a woman is only allowed to marry one guy or does it leave it as an implicit rule

Fadfadation said...

Alaa,

... As for women not marrying more than one man, I really hope you want the proof because you don’t know it, and you’re not mocking what our religion’s Sharee3a says. I don’t know you, but as a muslim I’ll except that you’re really asking for proof because you want to know ( I don’t like doubting people).

Tab3an, lets agree as Muslims that Quran is God’s rightful divine word to us and that Suna (the Ahadeeth Saheha especially) explain and give details in everything mentioned in Quran and elaborates on it.

The proof that women can not marry more than one man is in Quran and Suna together.

Quran:

How did we know that we are to marry women? God mentioned to us in Quran that He created man and woman. He also told us they are to get married as man and woman (Zojayn).In Al Roum Sora (verse 20):
}وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لآيَاتٍ لِقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ {
Here God told us that He created from us Azwaaj. These azwaj are for us to live with (marry). As you now, a zooj in Arabic means couple or two or a second. So, my Zooja means my second.

Then came this Ayya in Sorrat Al Nesaa’a (verse 3):
}فَانْكِحُوا مَا طَابَ لَكُمْ مِنَ النِّسَاءِ مَثْنَى وَثُلاثَ وَرُبَاعَ فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلا تَعْدِلُوا فَوَاحِدَةً {
Here God gave us (muslims) the "Option" and permission to marry more than one and up to 4.

This option might not work for some or they might not want to do it, that’s fine. Let them not do it. It is up to them. Other people will need this option and will agree to it…shoft 3azamet dena? :)

Suna:

The prophet as you know was sent to us to reveal God’s religion (words…etc.) and to guide us. In the Hojat Al Wadaa3 (called Wadaa’a because he passed away after it and it was his last and only Hajj), the prophet said (meaning of):” Today I completed for you your religion (the revelation, rules and way of life), and I finished my blessing (the prophet was a blessing to mankind sent by God), and I inform you that Islam is the religion for you to take”.
As mentioned in Sorat Al Maaeda (verse 3):
}الْيَوْمَ أَكْمَلْتُ لَكُمْ دِينَكُمْ وَأَتْمَمْتُ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعْمَتِي وَرَضِيتُ لَكُمُ الإِسْلامَ دِينًا {

At this point the line was drawn and the revelation was complete and the guide for us in this life (Islam as a Shareea) was completed. Note, completed as in there is nothing missing!

The Sharee’a has all the rulings of things in life. In our case here, Marriage and it’s boundaries.

So, the Quran told us (muslim men) that we are to marry women (Zoja), and it told us that we CAN marry more than one (up to four). And the prophet told us that he gave us the complete guide in our life which is Islam.

Did the prophet wives ever marry more than one at the same time? Did the prophet’s followers wives’ ever take more than one husband at the same time? Did anyone from all the muslim A’ema or Mufteyeen over 1500 years ever allow this?

The answer is NO!! of course not!

Why? Because it is clear what God has told us to do (marry a woman) and what the additional OPTION is (men to marry up to 4). If God wanted women to marry more than one man, He could have said it in Quran or in Suna through the prophet. God was not to miss out something like that (7asha LelAh)!

Hence, it is a done for deal that the OPTION is only for MEN to marry more than one woman.

Humans might wonder why God told us to do something in a certain way. We can try and search for answers (as I tried to do in this post). We might get a point or two why God put it that way. But, for sure our puny minds will never know all the wisdom and reasoning behind everything God told us to do. For things we can not understand or we are not convinced with as muslim individuals, we just believe in it.

Another way to say it...We as muslims (believers), we believe anything God tells us to do. Even if we find it difficult to understand, we still believe in it…. That my friend is called Imaan :)

14 comments:

sherif said...

Hi fadfadation, this is a great reply; however, I would like to add something if you allow me. Human beings also would like the logical answers as well as the quaranic ones. I learned that living in the states for a long time. I think the logical answer to this is that women are the "container" of a man, she hold his children, and if a woman can marry more than one then we will have "ekhtelat elansab" which Allah warned us about and which is also the reason for hormaniat Alzena...anything in religion can be explained by logic and by quaran, the reason for logic though is that unfortunatly some people (non-believers, etc...) like to hear a reason behind things and not only that "god told us so"

Sherif

Fadfadation said...

Thanks Sherif. Very good point.

ib2a 7'aleek ma3ana 3al 7'at... dana lewa7dy hena yem3alem...lol

:)

Fadfadation said...

Thinking of it...even with reason some people might say...there is no waorry about i7'telaat ansab becuase there is DNA now.

lol... there is a limit sometimes to logic you can use with such people who don't take God's word seriously

sherif said...

I like your posts. they are all intelligent and you bring up very good subjects. Keep it up and I would love to participate....

Sherif

Fadfadation said...

Tesharf ya Sherif. I need all the help i can get ;)

insomniac said...

ok, of course Quran explains all, and it is actually logical enough!
anyways, if i may add (not that i am that knowledgeable)... imho, it's not a matter of ethbat nasab via DNA, it's a matter of mawareeth, since non legitimate sons/daughters are not entitled to heritage from the father's side....

so if men and women could both have more than one partner at a time, i am not sure there is much left to the sanctity of marriage!! let alone that there is the whole "فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلا تَعْدِلُوا فَوَاحِدَةً " that men tend to ignore :)

i don't think women are even capable of being that kind of fair because they tend to focus their emotions on the one they love... (ok, feminists can come beat the crap outta me now)

Fadfadation said...

insomniac,

I agree with what you said. But this is valid for people like us (muslims) who take Gods commands and work on them.

Others would say: Even Mawareeth, why not give the illegitimate kids?

to them the concept of not giving illegitimate kids mawareeth is nothing. Simpley becuase they do not take waht God says.

Although i think you have a very good point when you said "i am not sure there is much left to the sanctity of marriage"

very true.

As for feminists...well the Muslim ones should know that asking for women's rights doesn't mean you can defiy God's orders.
And in all cases, it is a fact that women are emotional.

Saying they are not would be would be like saying men are made of chocolate...lol

insomniac said...

i think it's too far fetched that ppl who have illegitimate kids would go out of their way to make them inherit, el mawdoo3 men awelo keda ghalat, they commit adultery and then seek the rights for their kids!!

well, elly ye3eesh fel denya yama yeshoof!!

and who said emotional was bad?? it's what makes women so special :p

Fadfadation said...

Emotional is not bad of course.

Some women find it offensive when you say that about their gender.

They think you're undermining them.

howa fy 7aga aslan a7la min el setaat! everything about them is beautiful :)

Anonymous said...

I think it should be one man for one woman and fullstop. Islam clearly treats women as inferior. That is what hapens when people stop thinking for themselves.

Fadfadation said...

Anon,

You are entitled to have your own opinion of course.

For me (muslims in general), it is an option that is to be used in certain cases.

that's it.

sarasmom@hushmail.com said...

how many women want to have that much sex with that many men and have children with them all? In other word, men and women are built different. Allah knows:-)

(I found this blog topic...it's old but still a good topic!)

samia said...

i feel though that polygamy infringes on a woman's rights as their right over their husband is not protected and the fact that islam allows polygamy actually encourages adultery amongst islamic men as men would not remain loyal to their wife and just marry other women too. so how on earth does the allowance of polygamy in islam actually promote the sancity of marraige and loyalty to your marital partner amongst men if this is permissible?

Fadfadation said...

I doubt the intention was to encourage adultry.
What i can say is... a man that wants another woman WILL go to another woman... west or east religion or not... they will find the excuse