Wednesday, April 04, 2007

The Reasoning Behind The Rule Only Muslim Men Can Marry Non-Muslims

In continuation to my previous post about the proof from Quran and Suna that Muslim men only can marry non-muslims Christian or Jews , today I’ll try and put the different reasons behind such a rule.

I am not saying I know everything nor am I saying I have all the answers. This is just a humble try to search behind the reasoning of such a rule.

Note: We as muslims can only try to find the reasoning, we have to remember that we are by no way capable of knowing ALL the reasoning why God did something in a certain way.

Here goes…

These are the different opinions I either heard people say or certain Islamic Scholars saying…

1- One reason I read...

As far as how Islam is passed on, it is very widely known it is passed on via the father. This goes a long way towards explaining the notion against women marrying out of the religion.
The rule was put in place so that there would be more Muslims, period. It has nothing to do with faith, just breeding. If men marry women from different backgrounds, but the children must be Muslim, you have more Muslims. If a Muslim woman married a non-Muslim, the children might become non-Muslim like the father and that is unacceptable and the goal is to make more Muslims. That is why polygamy is allowed as well. It’s that simple.

Note: I stated the above as the person (was a non-muslims) said it. I don't totally agree with every word.

2- Another one i also read...

A Muslim male marrying a non-Muslim female = the opinions of females regarding religion are not relevant once they choose to marry a Muslim and accept that their children will be raised as Muslims.
A Muslim female marrying a non-Muslim male = the kids will not be raised Muslim, and he is not accepting the hegemony of Islam.

3- Another reasoning I heard from Islamic scholars (and thought of)…

Ask someone..
You: “Do you think emotions can fog someone’s way of thinking, make them misjudge things?
Usually everyone will say “yes”.
You: “Do you think women are more emotional than men?

If someone says no…
You: ”how many times have you seen or heard that in real life (or even in movies) women say the following about a bad relationship that ended: “oh, everyone told me this won’t work, but I still went on and not listen”?
Someone: “many times” or at least they’ll agree they did hear it before.
You: ”how many times have you heard a man say that?
Someone: ”never” or at least very rarely.
You: ” this simple example sort of proves two things:
1- Women are more emotional than men
2- Their emotions DO affect their judgment (men too of course).

One might say, well not all women have their emotions take over them, just like not all men are rational.
The answer is "yes"…you’re right. But, any ideology in the world, whether religious or political or even economical puts its rules and legislation to protect THE MAJORITY. And as it is known that the majority of women are more emotional than the majority of men, especially when they are in love (which affects their judgment).

So, to sum up, one of the main reasons women are not allowed to marry non-muslims is because they are more emotional than men (vast majority).

Think of it, how can one be sure that emotions will not take over the woman while she is married to a non-muslim ???!
Islam said no to muslim women marrying non-muslims to protect them from themselves.

Finally, the mere fact that some women (who fall in love with a non-muslim and want to marry him) are having second thoughts about their religion because it is forbidding them from marrying a non-muslim, is a clear proof that emotions (when they take over a woman) "DO" affect their judgment to the extent that she (instead of defending her religion) is actually willing (or at least thinking) of letting it go (her faith in her religion, as in reverting from Islam) easily because she just wants something in a certain way for her own benefit or preference.

I am not stating that all women are like that, nor am I saying that men are better muslims than women. I am only talking about the way emotions take over a woman…bas

Note: In such cases where a non-muslim man and a muslim woman are in love, there is always the solution that the non-muslim man can embrace Islam and marry the muslim woman, then problem solved for both sides.

4- The last one (heard it from an islamic scholar)…

This one I personally used in a discussion before with a foreigner and he understood my point. I am not saying that it will convince ALL people. It is just another way to look at the issue…

To simply put it…
Since Judaism came first, and then Christianity and finally Islam, we (as people) were ordered to follow each religion when it was sent to man kind through Prophets. All religions (Islam, Christianity and Judaism) are from the same God and they come one after the other.

A Muslim man is not a true believer if he does not believe in and respect all Prophets (including of course Moses and Jesus who came before Mohammed).

So, in other words a Muslim man respects and believes in the Christian woman’s prophet (who is her idol and soul father).
Not only that… we (as Muslims) have a large part of Quran talking about Moses and praising him. The same goes for Jesus, a whole chapter in Quran is named after his mother Marry. And we as Muslims believe she is the most pure woman ever.
Not only that… we also believe Jesus is the one who will descend to earth and lead this world at the end of time.

On the other hand, a Christian man (for example) does not believe in Islam (which was the last religion sent from God) and does not believe Mohammed (PBUH) is a prophet.
In other words, he does not respect or believe in the Muslim woman’s idol and soul father.
That is fine and it is his right (the non-muslim man) to believe in what he wants.
But, he does not have the right to come ask the father of the Muslim woman to marry her if he doesn’t even respect and believe in her idol\soul father (Mohammed PBUH).

How can a father feel safe to let him marry and take care of his daughter if that person doesn’t even respect her idol\soul father?!!!!

These were the ones i heard about or read somewhere...

Maybe some (or even all) of the points make sense to you.
Maybe you think there are other reasons and you can mention them.
Maybe non of them make sense to you. It’s up to you; you can believe what you want.
I just wanted to mention some of the different opinions that were mentioned about the reasoning behind the Islamic rule why muslim women can not marry non-muslims men (Christians or Jews).

Wallaho A3lam :)

Mood: Chillin


Om Luji said...

Yay.. I'm the first to comment. 2nd time so far.
Anyway, I don't know why you are so concerned with this issue anyway. Marriage is all about choices, and if a muslim girl wants to marry outside her religion, it's her choice.

Elmawdoo3 begad mesh mestahel. Cause there are Arab countries where it is legal to have such marriages.

wba3deen, allow me to disagree with all the reasons you mentined:) ma3lesh ana mot3eba showya. 7'ally balak taweel ma3aya.
1. Religion is a matter of conviction. Ya3ni having a muslim father to pass on the religion to his children is forcing them into it. I don't think a belief has to come from you from a higher authority. And if you even wanna pass on religion in this way, it is the mother that raises the children. Ya3ni if the mother is Christian maslan, do you expect her to stop going to church cause she is married to a muslim? Can you stop her from talking about her religion with her kids? Can you stop the kids from reading the Bible that their mother read in? Can you stop the influence of a devoted Christian mother on her kids?
If you talk about legal papers ba2a, it is another issue.
2. The second reason seems to imply the male/female domination theory. That women are easier to dominate and make them quit their beliefs. This is a very dangerous accusation you are making against muslim women, that their religious faith is weaker than men. Which ma3lesh is not true at all. A woman with true faith, any faith, is more devoted to her beliefs. The early women in Islam prove that, as well as women nowadays who can go as far as asking for a divorce if the muslim husband asks them to take off hijab for example.
wba3deen it is not a battle over who the kids will follow. I already discussed that in no.1
3.This thing about women being more emotional, ma3lesh edmet awy ba2a :) Ya3ni kol 7aga, women are emotional they can't be judges, women are emotional they can't be presidents, women are emotional they can't take decisions. This is pure nonsense. Tayeb women are emotional, don't make them raise your kids, don't make them responsible for the home, don't make them vote in elections. Wenabi da kalam?

Is Condaleeza Rice an emotional woman? Is Angela Merkel an emotional woman? Israel's foreign minister? Eshme3na e7na elli 3andena emotional women ya3ni? Bala2 mn 3and rabenna?
And if you say those are the exception to the rule, allow me to ask what is the rule? Do women have the emotional gene masalan? Are they born with it? Can you prove it in a lab? Can you say it is a scientific rule?
What rule? Men's rule? Discrimination rule? Domination rule?

And why do we always have the image of a non-muslim as a pig who doesn't respect the beliefs of others? And who told you that all muslims respect other beliefs, although as you said their religion orders them to do so. There are no solid rules in social matters. And marriage as I said is all about choices. There are good people and bad people. And everyone chooses his/her spouse, according to personal criteria.
But to come and say, la2 men can have freedom in choice while women don't, sorry this is discrimination that our true religion can never support.

Fadfadation said...

Ahlan wa sahlan ya fandem.

Ya she7'a inty wala mot3eba wala 7aga.

Not sure why you consider me obsessed about it !?! except if you mean that me writing two posts (one about proof and one about reasons) an

Maa balash el kalam el kebeer

For your first point:

You seem to have missed out that i am stating all what i "heard or read" about.
i did not say that all these ARE the reasons i beleive in.
And actually, the first reason i mentioned in the post i added a note saying i am not convinced about every word.

Ya3ny all you said about: "do you expect her to stop going to church cause she is married to a muslim? Can you stop her from talking about her religion with her kids? Can you stop the kids from reading the Bible that their mother read in?"

i never said any of that. Actually, some muslims scholars say that when you marry a christian woman (for example) you should be very careful about her feelings and show respect towards her beliefs...etc

You said: "The second reason seems to imply the male/female domination theory" and "This is a very dangerous accusation you are making against muslim women,"

Again i stated very clearly in the post that "I read it". I did not say this is what i think.
So, balash zolm ya moftareya.
Actually, the person who stated it is a non-muslim, faa maa ta7'deesh fy balek.

You Said that i say: "that their religious faith is weaker than men"

La2 tab3an. Again, i didn't say that. And actually, women if they are true beilevers are much better and more devoted than men.
As you said, the early women of islam as an example and that about women being dedicated to Hijab.

You said:"women are emotional they can't be judges, women are emotional they can't be presidents, women are emotional they can't take "

More allegations about stuff i didn't talk about. Ya benty bataly iftera...where on earth did i say that?! wala howa itehemaat wee 7'

You Said about women being emotional..etc: "This is pure nonsense. "

You are arguing a fact of life, the majority of women ARE emotional and yes emotions do fog judement.
i don't know why are you arguing about these two simple facts.
Be honest with yourself, you know that both facts are true (balash mo3anda!).
If you don't want to consider them's your call... lol

As for all the political women examples you used... they are not relative to what we are talking about here.

The topics are different.
Non of the women going into politics WILL or CAN get their emotions in way, simpley becuase there is a political system with all it's legistlation arms that will stop them if they do (same to stop men from take irrational decissions of course). As for the issue i was discussing, there isn't a way to protect them from taking irrational decissions becuase of their emotions.

Two very different topics.
And by the way, i am for the women being judges...etc.
And even being a president, if we have the right system that gives an other authority or more (Parliment for exapmle) the right to stop her or even him (man or woman) from taking wrong decessions.
So, we are both on the same wave length on that part. But, marrying non-msulims is totally different.

You said:"And why do we always have the image of a non-muslim as a pig who doesn't respect the beliefs of others? And who told you that all muslims respect other beliefs, "
Again ya Om luji your stuffing words in my mouth and taking us to different issues which i am not discussing here.
They are not pigs, and muslims (per islam) DO respect MOses and Jesus and their followers (not Islams fault that some of so called muslims misrepresent it)!

As for you last sentence: "But to come and say, la2 men can have freedom in choice while women don't, sorry this is discrimination that our true religion can never support."

we already talked about it in the previous post about the Proof. No need to redo it here again.
If what i said is not enough as a proof in that previous post, you can easly go to Al Azhar or any other institute or read any book of Abu Hanifa, Malik, AL Shafee, and Ibn Hanbal or even any other Imam (scholar) and see for yourself.

"True religion" is what is said clearly in our book (Quran), applied by the prophet (who was a living example of our religion and it's rules). Ever heard a sahabi woman marrying a non-muslim?
As fot things that are not clearly mentioned, we can talk about and have Ijtehadaat.

At the end of the day ya Om Luji, you and everyone else can beleive what they want.
Everyone will be judged for their actions and choices wether they go along with what the GOd commanded us or not go by it.

Finally,I have to say... after reading all what you said, seems to me the only thing left for you to accuse me of is the responsibility for 9/

3omoman thanks for sharing you accusation...err i mean your (just kidding)

Ra3d said...

not intending to disappoint u but i'm not convinced of any of those,they're all hypotheses/ijtehadat & this's one good thing abt islam.
however,all those sound so superficial & emotional "in a sense" .therefore, i decided to regard this issue as one of those unquestionable thing we take as is in Islam,since the justifications at hand are very,,,,weird for me
but thanks Fadfadation for collecting all this here,may be someone culd find sense in them.

Fadfadation said...

No disappointment 7'ales, different people are convinced by using different persuations.

You, I and any other muslim can try and find the reasons for certain issues that God commanded us.
But, if there is something we don't get... we do exactly what you just said:

" i decided to regard this issue as one of those unquestionable thing we take as is in Islam"

This is what Eman (Belief) is about (at least to us it is).

يا أيها الذين آمنوا أطيعوا الله وأطيعوا الرسول وأولي الأمر منكم فإن تنازعتم في شيء فردوه إلى الله والرسول إن كنتم تؤمنون بالله واليوم الآخر ذلك خير وأحسن تأويلا

فلا وربك لا يؤمنون حتى يحكموك فيما شجر بينهم ثم لا يجدوا في أنفسهم حرجا مما قضيت ويسلموا تسليما

ومن يطع الله والرسول فأولئك مع الذين أنعم الله عليهم من النبيين والصديقين والشهداء والصالحين وحسن أولئك رفيقا


spellz said...

tyeb ma being emotional implies her choise fe kol 7aga
y3ny she's emotional so she may choose a bad muslim. eshm3na fl part beta3 choosing a non muslim

walla by that way u'll say a woman is emotional so she has no right to choose a hubby
a man with better oriented mind shud choose for her?
I can't get it here

Ra3d said...

yeah, till further notice :) till i find some thing that appeals to my mind & force me to say " i buy this"
i really applaude ur open mindedness in discussions

Fadfadation said...


this is exactly the way to go.

Thanks for the complement :)

Fadfadation said...


tab3an as i said in my post, i don't have answers for everything. This is just what i either heard and\or read about (some i see relavent some not very much).

The thing is i am not trying to convince you, the order or command is there in Quran and we stick to it. We can try and make sense of it tab3an.

You said:"eshm3na fl part beta3 choosing a non muslim"

Bad people exsist in all faiths and people.
So, in life a muslim husband might be bad (if the choosing criteria is wrong in the first place susually). The same applies to a non-muslims man, he too can be bad.

But at the end of the day, the bad muslim (if laa 2adar Allah someone marries him) will not try to make the girl do anything against the commandments of her religion. 3'eer ba2a laaw ibn 60x70 wee yestahel darb el gazma, faa in this case she gets a divorce. Especially that both are muslims and Islamic law is applicable to both. In other words, laaw ista3bat, ne2dar negebo min ra2abto ibn el 60x70!
(that is the way it should be at least)

As for women choosing hubbies...la2! it is their right (and only their's) to marry the one she wants (the prophet was very clear, the woman has to choose\approve who she marries). The only boundry is to marry a muslim.

The funniest comment i heard was from someone i know:" 7'alas ya3ny, 7'elso el regala el moslimeen fel denya?! Mafysh wala wa7ed yenfa3 fehom?! faa delwaty 3awzeen yetgawzo regala min deen tany?!" lol

Anonymous said...

Actually, women seem much more vulnrable when it comes to love\marriage, So they might take wrong desessions.
But in other stuff (almost everything else) they seem to do much better than us men.
So, to me the commandment makes sense.

Sorry ladies :)


Fadfadation said...


To me no.2,3 and 4 from the post make sense to a great extent.

But, people are persuaded by different arguments.

We have to respect that tab3an.

I personally am very proud that some muslim women might not make sense of it, yet they stick to it as part of faith (sticking to every commandment God sent).

After all, there are many things we do not know why they exist. Or even things God told us about while we never saw...but still we beleive in them as part of our faith (i.e. hell, after life,...etc).

These women deserve a round of applauds!

I am positive their faith will not go unpaid for :)

God bless them...2ool ameeen :)

Anonymous said...

I am sick and tired of women whinning all the time and wanting everything like men.

I mean the whole feminist silliness!

Most of those so called feminists seem more concerned about "BEING Men" than anything else.
They have no problem going against reason, religion, culture, sense just to get what they want.

Most of those so called feminist are just a bunch of insecure females!

Do you beleive that some of those fanatics are actually asking things like...why do we have to be pregnant, why don't men get pregnant?!!!

Complete idocity!

Men are men and women are women...LIVE WITH IT!

I don't know why they or you are discussing this aslan!

Let me even go farther and say this...
Women are not as good as men... in anything (generally speaking)!

Let me prove my point...

Who are the best fashion designers? MEN
Who are the best cooks? MEN
Who are the best decoration people? MEN
Who are the best hair stylists? MEN
Who are the best makeup people? MEN


I can go on and on and on!

fact of life...generally, Men are better than women. Even in things belonging to women themsleves. ha!

Fadfadation said...

Yaaah, eh ya 3am anon (i am guessing your a man tab3an from your way of talk)...danta so7'n

I agree with you that some of feminists are fanatics about somethings.
Yet, i will not go into all this about men being better and all that. Becuase to me you are going the wrong way in discussing the whole issue.

To me (as told in Quran) men and women are to "COMPLETE" each other, not to "COMPETE" with each other.

We are not at war with women ya ostaz anon!

God told us the story how women were created as a lesson.
Women (Eve) were created from a part of our father Adam (from men in other words). It was as if God was telling us "Oh, men, don't forget that women are part of you and you are part of them".

In other words, men and women are to be together.
And may i remind you of the words in Quran (meaning of): that God made us of man and woman and made between us feelings, mercy and comfort to live together (taskono ilayha).

This is the way men and women should look at things...not compete.

Of course, i am not with those women who are more concerned about "being men" and having everything like men regardless of anything. akeed la2.

But at the end of the day, these fanatics (if they exsist) are a very few, so please don't generalize about women. That is so wrong!

Anonymous said...

I have a different point other than the 4 you mentioned in your post...

I know or at least heard of mixed marriages (different cultures or religions). The kids who are born within such marriages are extremely mixed up.

I am not talking about about the fact that both cultures or societies not accepting them as one of them, no!

I am talking about the kids growing up and being torn apart between to different ways.

If we take religion as an example...
The kid sees his Muslim farther praying 5 times a day and saying there is no God but Allah.
The kid then sees his mother going to church on Sundays and praying to Jesus the God (per christianity).

The kid will really mixed up and he will not know what exactly he is!

Kids are better off raised as part of one religion till they are old enough and then they can start checking around and seeing what they want to do. It is much safer for them this way.

I now of such people (born from parents of different cultures or religions) and they are facing hell on earth.
Especially if the parents did not make it a point what religion the kids are to follow at least till they are olf enough to decide for themselves.

I think people should just stick to people from the same culture or religion for the sake of their children and to avoid conflicts in the future.

Fadfadation said...

Second anon (mish 3aref eh 7ekayet el anon el yomeen dol),

I see your point.
I personally think people should stick to same culture\religion\country (less conflicts). And becuase of the fact that people tend to feel more relaxed around people of the same mentality, stance, standard...etc.

But, not all people think alike. 3adi ba2a...donya!

Orlando said...

Thats a LIE

Muslim women CAN marry a NON-MUslim man...

There a Study that proves that a marrige from a Muslim women with non muslim = 80% probabilty of the kids be muslims.
But Muslim Man with non musliims = 47% of kids be muslims

So Men are the ones u shouldnt marry non muslims

Fadfadation said...

Orlando... lol you made me laugh :)

"Muslim women CAN marry a NON-MUslim man..."

You are missing the point...

The "CAN" and "CAN NOT" is per what God Says. Not per what statistics say.


Adriana said...

Hi. My name is Adriana im originally from Colombia (south america) I met this guy whos from Iran and i fell in love with him .. a month after he broke up with me for no reason and I thought may be it was because of his religion or family? I just want to know if a man who is a muslim or believes in Ramadan can or cant marry someone like me.... im a simple catholic who believes in God and do good to others and respect his religion and be willing to know more about it can i have the right to be with the one i love. My parents ARE NOT against his religion and they even wanted to meet him but things got worst and now we are not even friends and i miss him so much.. hes always in my mind.. Im in love with him i dont think he knows... i just really need some advice.. every time i see him at the club and try to talk to him he ignores me and that hurts my feelings... he told me once that i was so beautiful that he felt like he was holding me up for other men.... I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO??? Even his best friend and cousins know how i feel about him and they always tell me i need to go talk to him or dance with him if we are at the club... I really need an advice...

Fadfadation said...


First of all, sorry for the delayed answer, i was off on vacation back home (Egypt).

You asked:"
I just want to know if a man who is a muslim or believes in Ramadan can or cant marry someone like me.... im a simple catholic who believes in God and do good to others and respect his religion and be willing to know more about it can i have the right to be with the one i love."

That answer to that (if we are talking Islam by the book talk) is...

There is no rule in our holy book (Quran) or the Suna (Saying and doing of our Prophet Mohammad) that prohibits a muslim man from marrying a Christian (of any sect) or a Jew.

Actually, it is said clearly that Muslim men CAN marry from those two religion which are considered the predessesor of Islam (in ohter words Islam came as a continuation of those religions).

I think Andrea your problem here has nothing to do with religion, it seems to be more of emotions altered from his side.
Or maybe even worse (and i am sorry to say this), maybe he was using you for a while and then just moved on...hence the natsyness that he is giving you.

The only thing i could think of (on his behalf) that may be stopping him would be either your family refusing (which you said they don't) or his family refusing.

Maybe there is another part of the story that you can't see, maybe his family want him to marry a muslim girl.
Not that such a demand by the family has any Religious is more of a cultural thing. More of "Hey, son...marry one of us, one that has our same beleifs and background...etc".

that's the only thing (if i am giving him the benifit of the doubt) that i can think of which might be stopping him.

What to do?
I have no idea...
on one hand you can try and ask him what on earth is going on!

On another hand you can and most probabley will have to move on. Painful it may be...but you owe it to yourself.

I wish i could help you more.

Take care

Thanks for passing by :)