Thursday, August 30, 2007

The "Pray for Reem Mostafa Abaza" Facebook Phenomena!

Before i start talking about this i have to say: "God bless her soul and may she rest in peace (Al bakaa2 LelAh)".

For those who don't know who the girl is, she is an Egyptian who passed away in a car accident on the North Coast highway in Egypt. She was a young AUCian graduate (from the American University In Cairo).

This is not to talk about her (the deceased) or say anything about death. This is about the new "moda" that is ripping Egyptians (middle to high class ones).

What do i want to say ??

I want to ask Egyptians...

Ento malko? 7asaloko eh? 7ata fel moot ba2a feeh moda weee the "Hip" thing?
la2 seriously! what is wrong with you people?!!!

I mean, if any Egyptian has an account on Facebook surely (s)he'll find one or more of his\her friends either talking about that group "Pray for Reem Mostafa Abaza" or even being part of it.

If you check that group, you'll find people who have nothing to do with the deceased joining the group and saying things like:

  • besara7a ..ana ma3rafsh reem(all7yer7amha) bas ...
  • ana magtlesh el forsa any 2ashofk bas bgd konty ensana gamela...
  • heloo i really dont know Reem ..but i

And those were just a sample of what i am talking about...

One might ask me: "Why are you so annoyed? people are concerned about her and praying that God will forgive her and let her enter Heaven".

I'd answer back and say: "If you actually think that what you mentioned is my problem, then you misunderstood me!".

If someone dies and his\her friends make a group and do or say what is on that group, then of course that is normal and great actually.

Even for people that don't know her, for them to add note like "Allah yer7amha" that is very good too.

My problem is that i am feeling that "some" people (i am stressing on the some part) are joining in just because "Everyone" is heading there. In other words, because it is a "moda" or the "Talked About" thing.

Over the past few years Egyptians (middle to high class) have been heading towards an obnoxious trend of imitating each other, showing off and wanting to always be part of "The Hip thing or event".

What strikes me is that people are using the same mentality in death too.

I mean, for heaven's sake the group has 4,188 members! Obviously, most of them don't even know her! wala eh?!

Maybe you'd say:" Well, you should encourage people to stand together and not criticize them."

I'd answer:" I am not criticizing "ALL" people, i am criticizing the moda mentality (and whoever is doing it)".

For God's sake, some people who don't even know her want to help build a Mosque in her name!!"

You might say:" That's good...what's your problem?".

I'd say:" That proves the "moda" issue i am talking about. Because if this person - who doesn't know her - is so virtuous and kind to the the extent of building a Mosque for a stranger, then we'd guess that this is what he\she does for anyone. Does (s)he???!!!!"

Of course not!

Think of it, do you want to convince me that everyone on that group gives charity for someone they don't know or anyone who dies in an accident?

That of course is impossible and nonsense!

Thousands of people die yearly in Egypt because of accidents (official numbers are close to 6,000 per year). Non of you (pretenders) seemed so concerned!

You might say:" Well, you talk a lot...what do you do for people who die in accidents? you should practise what you preach!"

My answer is: "I don't do anything! That is why i am not part of the Pray Reem Abaza group!

i will not act or pretend and show off my feelings all over the place. Yes, my heart is with anyone who loses someone. But, tamseel wee manzara fel moot...la2 ma3lesh...keda keteer!"

Think of it this way..

Person X reads in the newspaper that someone he doesn't know passed away. He gets dressed and then goes to the funeral. He then gets out his wallet and "in fornt of everyone" puts money for charity for that person.

That is exactly what people are doing in our case here... showing off!

I even found some of the people i know going into that group. When i asked if they knew her, they didn't!

Then, why are you joining that group? i ask. The honest answer is\was\would be "Everyone is going in so we thought we'd see what's all this about!!!".

I might be overreacting, but my worry is that "some" people (stress again on some) are doing this just because the "IT" people (Aucians and all) are in there, so why not be part of the "hip thing"!

My concern is about the showing off that became part of our culture... even in DEATH!

Mood: Extremely Concerned!

35 comments:

WS said...

I agree with you , although she was in my school , when she died ( allah yer7amha ) I asked my mother why they all are so crazy about that , we are all human beings ,there is no difference in death , if a king died or a worker or a child , all should be the same in death .
My mother answered : No, but she is famous.

Fadfadation said...

Yes, i understand what you are talking about.
And your mother pin pointed another side of this.

Allah yer7amha.

THinking of it, don't you think that since she was from a wealthy family and all, there are other people in Egypt that those "so kind people" could help instead?

ya3ny instead of building a Mosque in her name, why not gather that money and give it to people who really need help.

Fadfadation said...

tab3an, just to be clear, everyone is free to ehlp who he wants...bas mish 3aref, ya3ny min bab 2awla el naas el 3'alaba.

Ma3alena!

WS said...

I don't know , if I am a famous person and I died , and all those caring people have done all these nice things after my death , am I going to see all that from my grave and be happy?

Jade said...

Hey Fadfadation,

I did get invited to join this group by people that don't even know el mar7ouma & all I did was IGNORE.

You are right - everything in Egypt seems to be "Moda"...

Rabena yer7am gamee3 el Muslimeen

Fadfadation said...

Ameen ya Jade!

Ra3d said...

yes Fad i saw that group & at least 3 of my friends joined though they dont know her. two of them are AUCians so may b ethey thought it's a duty to join or just coz she went to same university this means they're friends. heheh
as u say,, moda becomes very irritating here, we imitate each other in whtever just to be part of the cool gang as if missing the mainstream makes people "balady".
i agree with u 100 % ..we are really heading to a mentality disaster that way

Faithfully, Confused said...

I agree. Sadly, young people lose their lives everyday, and rarely, if ever, do their deaths turn into a phenomenon.

However, there's something about a young, beautiful, well known socialite dying so suddenly that intrigues people. We're human beings, after all, and whether we like it or not, this intrigue is, well, natural.

We despise ourselves every time we feel this way, yet we keep doing it.

Ra3d said...

imagine what ya Fad. the death of Reem was highlighted in special part of a program on Nile Drama Channel ,program called Artistic Journalism "Sa7afa Faneya". she talked about her painful death & how shocking it's
ya Allah, how many died on road accidents & were mentioned on TV bel ism?
balad mazaher we felos aktar 7aga begad.

Mohaly said...

I wanna comment about 1 thing ra3d said as a joke but it is actually true..

AUCians especially old generations (before Y2K) were really close and you almost know everyone in your class and many of them are already your friend...

I personally shared some classes and activities with Reem and know/worked with couple of her relatives a well, she was a very good person. If we looked at the good side of the story, MAY be this accident and its impact turns out to be a message to all the big guys in Egypt saying death and accidents doesnt differeniate between good or bad, rich or poor, powerful or weak....it is time to wake up and stop loosing between 5000-6000 fellow Egyptian every year..

P.S. I lost my cousin last year and it is really a painful experience that I wish none of you shall pass through..

Fad: I just came back from Qatar yestersday, If I knew you were there, I would definately have looked forward to meet you..anyway next time. and Rabena ma3ak fel weather el raheeb!

Mohaly

Fadfadation said...

Ra3d,

I'll settle for a balady person for now :)

As for that TV thing...la2 keda keteeeeeeeeeeeer 2awy !

laa 7awla wala kowata ila belAh!

Fadfadation said...

Faithly C.,

You are right...lelasaf.

Fadfadation said...

MOhaley,

I am very sorry for your loss.

I too lost my brother a long time ago in a car accident. So, i know what the feeling is like.

how did Qatar treat you?

As for the weather...what can i say, i am misrable..lol

Mohaly said...

Qatar!! Nothing to do ya FAD!!
As they say heaven is a Qatari Salary and Hell is a Qatari Tourism!!

Om Luji said...

Well, I guess it's a fashion trend as u described it. Part of it is may be because the girl was the type who really lived it up. She loved partying and enjoying the moment. She was so much into fashion and the high social life. May be her death in such a way touched her friends, that's why.
Another thing would be her famous and powerful family. It's as if high society people have invented a new way of grieving. Allah yer7amha in all cases. But I believe the way they chose to morn her loss is so wrong.
Very interesting post.

Ready to leave said...

I randomly came accross this blog last night and it seems very interesting; a quick look on your highly viewed items tells me that I am going to enjoy what I'll read (although I will not agree with it all:)).

Anyway, I've been living outside Egypt (in the US) for one year now (before most of the Egyptians on facebook jopined), came for a vacation in August, and leaving again next weekend. I wont generalize and talk about all Egyptians; I'll talk about a certain class of Egyptians who really feel the need to fit in that they attach themselves to famous characters even in the worst circumstances such as that of Reem. Facebook has given them this opportunity.

Its simple, superficialities have increased badly in the Egyptian society (again I am not generalizing about ALL Egyptians), and such groups on facebook with people entering not knowing Reem in person is an example of such superficiality. I am not against showing moral support. But moral support can be done vocally, or personally (be en el wa7ed yed3elha we ye2ralha el fat7a in person rather than in public).

ready to leave said...

by "in person", I meant discretely rather than publicly.

"Abaza" family member said...

its not anybody's fault that she was loved by so many people. its not a matter of "Moda" nor "there's no difference in death". she was loved elhamdoellah, that's why "they are all crazy about that". GOT IT?. and the group really helped in raising money for the mosque.as for the people who write these stuff that doesnt make any sense; they just wanted to show their support but couldnt communicate it. that's the deal. so stop judging and critisizing. won't u love it if the same is done for u when ur dead? that everytime someone who joined the group sees it and remember you and ye2ra el fat7a? and then his friend sees it and ye2ra el fat7a?...its not moda by any means. its just that people care!

Anonymous said...

ento 3amleen tantakedo el naaaas w ento 2ktar el naaas mardan w ta7'lofan kfayaaa awy en ento marda bdaa2 el 7kd 7ta el myt bt7kdo 3leeh 3lashan el naas b el sodfa ehtamet bmwdo3o w 3amlo group 3alashan elly yshofo y2ralha el fat7a ...w bylmo floos 3alashan y3melo masged 3ala esmha... w enta eh ely mza3lak enhom ybno masged 3la esmha....w ba3deen meen 2lak eno 3'alat enk temshy f gnazet 7d ma t3rafoosh ...bel3aks da deenak by2olak kda bs enta tab3an 3amaaal tfty w w el 7kd by2ta3 feek mn gwa f tab3an mesh fady t3raf deenak bs fady tktb kalam 2hbal zy elly enta katabto...{{allah yer7aha w yer7amna mn 2msalkom}}

Fadfadation said...

Om Luji,

To me the way they choose to morn her (her friends masalan) is fine. My problem is the "heeeeh yala ned7'ol el 7eta dy" people...bas

Allah yer7amha tab3an.

Ready To Leave,

Welcome to my blog (even if you don't aree with it) :)
I don't see a problem with anyone morning her publicly (think of the na3y in newspapers).
My issue is with "some" superficial people (as you called them).

Fadfadation said...

Abaza member and Anonymous,

I was expecting one of these comments to show up on this post.

I am not going to comment about that 7kd and 2albi el 2swed ely mish 3aref 3amel izay...etc.

I will cut and paste parts of my post and put them infornt of you, maybe you'll get the point i am trying to state in this post:

1- "Before i start talking about this i have to say: "God bless her soul and may she rest in peace (Al bakaa2 LelAh)".
"

2- "This is not to talk about her (the deceased) or say anything about death. This is about the new "moda" that is ripping Egyptians "

3- "If someone dies and his\her friends make a group and do or say what is on that group, then of course that is normal and great actually. Even for people that don't know her, for them to add note like "Allah yer7amha" that is very good too."

4- "My problem is that i am feeling that "some" people (i am stressing on the some part) are joining in just because "Everyone" is heading there. In other words, because it is a "moda" or the "Talked About" thing."

5- ", my heart is with anyone who loses someone"

6- "but my worry is that "some" people (stress again on some) are doing this just because the "IT" people (Aucians and all) are in there"

7- In my comments: "tab3an, just to be clear, everyone is free to ehlp who he wants..."

Ok...
hopeflly this clears up my "7kd" part towards the deseased...which does not exsist.

"Abaza" member,
I mentioned (as stated above) that people morning her is not the issue.
I didn't say anything about commentators on the group not being able to communicate.

I was talking "ONLY" (and i stress on only) about the "moda" people. Which i mentioned are "some" (and i stressed twice on "some" in my post.

I also put in my post the imaginary conversation with someone saying: "why do you have a problem with them building a Masjed"... i reply again:"you misunderstood me"

Maybe i was not clear enough stating what i want to say.

1- Allah yer7amha.

2- no problem with people doing all that they want to do for her sake Allah yer7amha ...inculding reading fat7a (actually i did say "then of course that is normal and great actually" in my post).

3- i dislike the fact that there are pretenders and people who join it just becuase of being part of the "event".

Those are the ones i have a problem with.

And yes, our religion says attend a funeral even if you don't know the person...

Actually, i did say in my post: "Even for people that don't know her, for them to add note like "Allah yer7amha" that is very good too."...so this was on the same line of thought.


But our religion ya Anonymous also tought us that if your NEYA is not salema it will not count (AL a3mal belneyat).

Do you want people who don't even care and are just there at someone you love funeral to be there kaa shakl or manzar or kemalet 3adad?

in other words.... don't you think Reem needs prayers and fat7a (and attending the funeral) by people who really feel for her?
or do you find it fine for pretenders to be part of it?

N said...

loooooooooooooooooool

ya ebni ma olna seebak mel controversial issues di w blog about Shrek or mythical gods ;)

Fadfadation said...

N,

lol...seems you are right.

No matter how clear one tries to be, one will always be misunderstood by someone :)

"abaza" family member said...

may she rest in peace. let it go and please next time if u want to post something, use another example.the "pray for reem abaza" facebook phenomena" can be an offending title to some...try using any other group as an example or atleast not when not even a month has passed.

Fadfadation said...

"abaza" family member,

3ala 3eny wee rasy.

If i offended you or any other member of her family or someone she knows... ana asef. It was not my entention (as hopefully i made clear in my previous comment).

Rabena yer7amha wee yesabar ahlaha.

Thanks for taking the time to understand what i meant.

Regards

same7 said...

1st of all "allah yer7amha"

i agree with you that there's a pretenders ,they r not actually a pretenders they 've been invited by other ppl to join the group,then they will start asking them selves"meen reem abaza??", then in turn they will google the name.... they 'll reed news.... they will get updated n then they will not be superficial any more....n thats No.1
No.2 is don't even judge on ppl who joined the group even if they dont know reem abaza with pretenders or superficial ,cuz what they did is unconcious react for the sympathy they feel which was expected from egyptians.
you said why the middle n high social classes do that? my answer is "how do u expext from some 1 how didnt see the comp. in his entier life except in some newspaper ads to make a group for his dead bro or whoeva is dead ,it doesnt make a sense, although they 'll be ready to attend the funeral of reem without asking them to go (if its available), man....its a matter of death n its not enjoyable, u have to think more about it.

كبر دماغك said...

salam :)

am sohier abaza reem's cousin i would like to comment about u r article i agree about part of what u said
alot of people came the 3aza and joined the goup of( pray for reem musatafa abaza) and they actually dont know her AT ALL ! but they came because f the tragedy as she was suppose to be married in few months and she died in car accident after dawn while her groom was driving the car
So its some how a tragedy story even if u dont find it keda.
we accepted all the condolences of all people

people loved her and people who didnt
people didnt even know her and people did
because were not going to judge every 1 coming the 3aza or joining the group
sebak ba2a men el kalam dah
honestly mesh every family who ever 7ad beymout young or old (some) people come the 3aza just manzara or wageb i bet even ur family feha kedah
would u ever insult or treat them badly or kick them out of a group just because they are showy? i hate it every body hates it even reem in her grave will hate people coming to the 3aza or joining group just manzara
the moderators of the group her friends and they are not responsible of moda actions
( moukhohom 3ala adouhom homa sahyfeen en kedah they are helping her and it did like it was mentioned in other comment.
its tragedy and thats y every body is talking about it i know u would say tragedy happens everyday but like one of her friends said she was famous.

الأعمال بالنيات و لكل إمرىء ما نوى
as for the mosque thing since day 1 i told her brothers lets do something more usfull ya3nee in egypt we have in every corner mosque and its empty!:D
and they are thinking now of doing something more useful like hospital or giving it to needy people but in the 3aza her mum said that she wants to build a mosque for her ya3nee its her mother will w heya hora as for y would we collect money will she comes from a wealthy family its because of her family members and friends who wants to take thawab of sadaka gareya and insisted of collecting money.
as for me i accept u r apology as i hated the title and parts of the article i agree of part of it
fel akher
إنا لله وإن إلبه راجعون
and thats what we all agree about it
allah yer7amha w yekremha w yeghferlaha w ynazel ra7meto 3ala 2ouloubna w yesabrna w yesabar khatebha and her friends.

salam.

Fadfadation said...

Same7,

"don't even judge on ppl who joined the group even if they dont know reem abaza with pretenders or superficial"

You miss my point. Please read what i said more than once.

I was talking about the "SOME" who are pretenders...i never said all and i never judged the whole group of people who joined that group.

It seems you are judging me now...lol

As for the example you mentioned about people going to the funeral... you just explained it: "the are sencere..."
And that type is not what i am talking about.

Fadfadation said...

Wee 3alekom el salam wee ra7mato Allah ya Soheir (excuse me if i use you name not blog name),

You talked about the people who" they came because f the tragedy"

Yes, of course it is a tragedy, no doubt about it. Again i repeat, i am not talking about sencere or affectionate people.... i only hate the pretenders as mentioned before.

And about creating the group on facebook, i didn't mention anything about that being wrong.

I said the above points becuase I just wanted to make sure my point is clear.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts about this with me.

As you said...
إنا لله وإن إلبه راجعون
And may Gog bless her and all the sencere people out there

and thats what we all agree about

Salam :)

Same7 said...

fadfadation,

btw am talkin about the some,particularly about the face book group ,can u tell me how can i show of ova-there??the matter of showing of,is by goin to the funeral, takin sum shots with famous persons ova there ,n postin them in a blog ,newspaper or sumthin.
Be sure that if i joined the group i'll never be recognized by 1 of ma frndz, thats bcuz the group has joined by 6,058 members @ the time am postin this comment,actually its kinnda impossible,n the same wil happen with ma posts,if i wrote sum condolence words to the group's wall it 'll be lost between 100's of them ova-there (thank god).
FINALLY there's 1 queston,
what i'll get back if i joined the group n posted sum condolence words????....a job or sumthin ....makansh 7ad 3'eleb...lol

Fadfadation said...

Same7,

lol, la2 mish lee daraget wazefa.

Why not think that it might me something psychological. As in the inner need to feel part of something...etc.

3omoman, thx for stopping by.
Enough said already :)

another abaza member said...

first of all PLZ read her el fat7a .......then here we go.....it's one of god's ne3am 3aleha that reem is a popular girl cause when we r n her situation we wont neeed anything else more than ppl prayin for us n reading el fat7a for our souls EVEN IF U DUN KNOW THEM. soo havin more thn 4000 ppl in her grp that is a sth that we must thnk god for ...
on the other hand let me belive in u and go assunming tht u just want to calrify how egyptins became just immitators n as u say run after ( moda)... then if tht was really true u have mora than 90000000 grp justifaing ur view
again somthing else if it was u or even some one dear to u would have wished the whole world may join ur grp to help who so ever is that dear to help him in the place where no words may help except parying n god's word.....
in addition if u have knowen reem or even knew someone who knowes her u would have knowen how kind social helpful joyful genarous such a girl was......... n i pitty u for she died before u kneew her... such a girl n her father ( may both rest in peace)were a graet honer for our family n for any person who saw them n they really deserve to be always rememberd by our paryers n love
soooooooooo havin such grp is somthing very usfel i bet it's more usful thn other grps that u just join n never benfit (ex: ppl who love choclate)ok i love choclate then what !!!!!!!!!!!!!
such grps makes us remmber ppl who passed awy for continous paraying n for a very imp remmberence so as not forget to death is soo near
last but not least ABAZA family has nothing to do with death.....n not cause we r a bit popular thn ppl r just sticking to us ...ppl r sticking to us cause of our morals n good reputation tht no one can denay n cause thy know well thet would gain knowing an abaza memeber n never losing
read for all muslimes el fat7a..

Ahmad said...

I just read this now .. the problem is that people forget . talking about Reem or others famous or not .. and ill talk in arabic to explain more awlan el banyadam dah wala 7aga w kol banyadam beymoot el nas btefdal metday2a showaya w ba3d bl kteer 3 weeks byenso aslan eno kan mawgood w fehe nas tab3an eli close awi btefdal laken bardo kolo bey3eesh 7ayato fa el nas ka facebook y2olak ne3mlaha group 3alshan neftekrha wl nas tedkhol w kolo byekteb zy manto ayleen w nas t2olak akteb 3alsahn asbet wgoodi bs ma7adsh ye2dar y7aded el nas deh asdaha 7aga wala eh ma7adsh ye3raf neyeto eh bs el fekra en e7na 3ala el a2al net3alem mn fekret el moot deh ..

Rasha Mansour said...

Oh my GOD!!!

Listen miss Fadfadation whatever....I never even MET reem...I dont even know the girl...my sister though happened to know her very well..

It is a matter of habit by people's nature that when someone passes away there is a state of 1) Curiousity 2) It is a maw3etha...

Reem's passing and so many others is always a maw3etha...although it is painful for her family members it puts a lot of things into prespective for all of us...

I am a very opinionated person...and while I was agreeing with your 'moda' aspect of things...what the hell is wrong with you??? what do you care that so many people are interested in this young girls death who is very very very tragic...let me ask you this.

Don't you watch the new?? For example are you keeping up todate with that dead singers name whatever her name is? So why is this any different??

I find it GOOD that so many people are interesting in someone's passing especially someone who was well known and apparently loved by sooo many people. It's not a negative thing.

And if you are wondering why I am leaving a comment so late it's because I was GOOGLING her...yes GOOGLING...happy now??

Fadfadation said...

Rasha,

You haven't read the comments through did you?

read them and you'll know what i am talking about.