Yes, my big, strong wall I always counted on and looked up to has fallen…my father.
Loosing him made me realize how much burdens our parents take off our backs.
Out of the blue, a whole load of responsibilities have landed on my shoulders. It feels like a mountain has fallen on me.
Many have always wondered why I “seem” to care more about my father than my mother. Explaining to them that it is not about loving him more, but what people don’t understand is that for men, the father is the benchmark!
He’s the benchmark of how a man should be, how he should act, and what he is made of.
We were very close to each other. He was a great man, father and friend.
It is hard looking around and not finding him with his cheerful “hello”s and big smile.
Over the past few years, it was hard seeing him getting weaker and getting emotionally soft.
For a man to see his benchmark (who was always strong and proud) get softer and weaker, it is a hard blow.
You sort of feel sorry for him and want to contain him as much as you can, yet he feels ashamed that he is getting soft.
I thank God that we talked before he left. It was as if he knew (Sob7an Allah).
He called the night before, said that he loved us… to me, my wife and even my elder son. I woke up in the morning on a phone call informing me that he is no longer amongst us.
Standing at his grave asking God to forgive and bless his soul really put this world in perspective…a totally different one.
The Prophet once said:” Live in this world as if you are a traveler”, as in you are here temporarily…so don’t get too comfortable, and remember it is just a phase till you reach your last destination.
This is exactly what I felt standing there at my father’s grave.
Trying to hold myself together and be “a man” during such a loss proves to be something not easy at all.
No matter how much psychological preparation you try to do for such a day…it will still hurt… a lot! Leaving you with this heavy, bitter, and sometimes stinging painful sorrow feeling.
My father has always been my refuge, safety, and wall of support.
Yet, God has willed that as I want to bend down and just feel broken for such a loss… I find two you young beings leaning on me seeking support in this life…
for life has done it’s cycle…
and now it is turn for me to be a “Wall” for my own children.
Sob7anak Ya Rab.
إن العين لتدمع و إن القلب ليحزن و لا نقول إلا ما يرضي الله
“Our eyes might shed tears, our hearts might feel grief… yet, we only say what God approves of”.
Mood: Feeling like the life I have known has changed forever